Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Grammies 2010

Grammies 2010
…or as Steven Colbert called it,
“The show where performers exercise their most precious right; the right to congratulate each other.”

Sunday night’s show was the best Grammy show I have seen in years.  (ie, not much rap displays, and lots of Agreeing With Me.)

Mr. Colbert announced the Song of the Year, (Single Ladies) by reading it from his iPad, which he pulled from inside his jacket.  I have been amused by parodies of Beyonce’s video of Single Ladies, most notably by Justin Timberlake who, along with two members of the SNL cast, dressed in black tights and four-inch heels and did the Single Ladies dance. Hilarious.

Beyonce put on a Show with a capital “S!”  She had about forty dancing storm troopers, and great, elaborate costumes.  She sang, If I Were a Boy and then slipped in a bit of Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know,” (or as we call it in my family, “The Cross-eyed Bear Song.”) It may be the angriest song ever performed.

As an old (-er) lady, I could be Pink’s oldest fan.  I also like Lady GaGa.  They showed their awesome talent Sunday night.

Pink performed soaking wet acrobatics in the air, while singing, I might add! 

Lady GaGa can sing!  She can play the piano and sing at the same time, which never ceases to amaze me.  She performed with another one of my favorite divas, Elton John, and they brought out the best in each other.

Both Pink and Lady GaGa make Cher look conservative.  That’s not easy to do.

My favorite songwriter, Leonard Cohen, won a Lifetime Achievement Award.  So did Loretta Lynn.  I never thought I’d mention these two people in the same paragraph.

Zac Brown won the best new artist.  I hadn’t heard of any of the other people they were up against.  (The “Ting Tings?”)

The Black Eyed Peas performed.  They do the best work out songs.  Put them on your ipod and go work out.  Work out for me, too, because I am busy.  Other good workout tunes are Blame it on the A-A-Alcohol, Footloose, and Use Somebody.  (I am good at choosing work out songs, just not at working out.)

There were great performances by Lady Antebellum, The Kings of Leon, Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks, Andre Bocelli and Mary J. Blige.  Every performance was great, but the best of the best was the Michael Jackson 3-D performance, and I didn’t even have any 3-D glasses.  If you missed it, you must Google it!  I don’t care what Michael (did with the Jesus Juice,) (may or may not have done,) (was accused of doing) he knew how to put on a show.  That boy could sing and dance!

Stevie Nicks was not the only old rocker featured on Sunday night’s show.  We got to see Jon Bon Jovi, Neil Young, Lionel Richie, Smokey Robinson, and Leon Russell. Anyone remember Mad Dogs and Englishmen?  Leon lived across the street from our friends in Tulsa.  What a partier!

The entire show was impressively grandiose. I loved every minute of it, even the rap performances.  (Did I just write those words?)

Grading Science Reports

For my first good deed of 2011, I helped my sister grade her ocean life reports.  First, I suggested we just give them all A's  and go shopping, but she is a stickler for going by the rubric.  She teaches middle school science and math.  Let us have a moment of silence in her honor right now.

I sort of like helping her with this chore now and then because I always learn something new, plus middle school kids write some pretty funny stuff!

I learned two new things that I didn't know before and my sister verified to be true.  For one thing I learned that the green sea turtle has non-retractible limbs.  I should have known this because I happen to be somewhat of a sea turtle expert.  I have stood in the sand, not three feet from a gigantic turtle as she laid and subsequently buried her eggs.  Then I walked beside her as she lumbered back into the sea.  It was a life changing experience.

Also, new to my vocabulary, due to the report grading event, is the grouping word “smack.”  If one needs to speak of a group of jellyfish, they are called a smack.  If you should ever stumble into a smack of jellyfish, believe me you will speak of the experience.

The following “facts” were taken straight from the reports. They may need to be verified, as I am not sure of their authenticity.

“The gray whale visits many different places, but the view under water doesn't change much.”

“An angler fish mates for eight days and then the male just attaches himself to the female until his whole body is absorbed by her.  Now that's what I call a close relationship.”

“The hammerhead shark doesn't have much of a family life.”

“Sea lions sniff poop to see if it is their baby.”

“Sea anemones will close up its tentacles if you touch it and then it will starve to death, so if you see one you should resist the urge to touch it with your hand.  Just use one or two fingers.”

“Once a bottle-nose dolphin saved a baby humpback whale and took it back to its mother.”

“A killer whale eats warm blooded animals to feel warm on the inside.”

“The crown of thorns starfish eats mollusks, which is gross to us but good to them.  Also, the female gets up on her tippy-toes on a rock to lay her eggs.”

“If you are in the middle of a pod of narwal whales you will get deaf because they are so loud.”

“Male chimeras have retractable sexual appendages on their foreheads.  You can give a man a fish and he might eat it for a meal, but if you show him a raw chimera, he may never eat fish for real!”

“If a shark accidentally bites down on a rock and breaks off all of his teeth they will soon grow back again.”

“Usually, reproducing is all a penguin thinks about.”

“A baby hammerhead can't swim when it is born because it's a sack.”

“Seahorses meet each morning to do the tango – seahorse style!”

Now that's something I'd like to see.