Thursday, June 30, 2011

Dear Whoever

Dear Shoplifters,
Thank you so much for adding the impossible to open blister packs to our lives.
Really what are these made of, anyway?  This material ought to be used by the military, to reinforce tanks or something.  

Dear Safeway Musac Makers,
     If you must put “Three Times a Lady” in your music feed, you are just going to have to put up with my out of context maniacal laughter.
See, all I hear is “You un, ti, tee time da wady”
Ala Buckwheat.  And that’s just how it is.

Dear Dr. Dentist,
    When you are getting ready to do your root canal thing, surely there is a better way to test for the correct tooth than poking it with dry-ice-on-a-stick. Why did you take all those x-rays? And how am I going to get down from the ceiling? And what are you going to do now that I cleared your waiting room with my scream?

Dear People who send me “Public Notices” that look like traffic tickets or one’s grades or mid term reports.  Putting “Important Documentation, Do not discard” stamped in red will not work any longer.  I know it is an advertisement for hearing aids.  You are wasting your stamp.

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