Saturday, May 21, 2011

Butler and the Fake Baby

It’s a rainy, gloomy day.
A perfect day for reading in my cushy, reading loveseat, or, I don’t know, maybe it’s an extra large cushy, reading chair.
Did I mention it was cushy?
I read – nap – read, with “Law and Order” reruns making up the background noise.  Did you know that one can watch “Law and Order” reruns 24-7?  This makes Rich quite happy.
I am reading Teacher Man by Frank McCourt, you know, the guy who wrote Angela’s Ashes.  It’s good, as you would expect.
Suddenly, Butler, Rob’s crazy miniature Australian Shepherd shows up at the door, in a frenzy and decidedly muddy.  (The “frenzy” part means nothing, as Butler lives his life in a frenzy.)
I call Rob to let him know that Butler is here.  Rob sees my name on the phone as it rings at his house, and answers, not with,  “Hello” but with, “Don’t let him in!”
It seems that Rob, seeing Butler’s muddy condition, had decided to give him a bath.
 Now, how do dogs know that they are targeted to have a bath?  What signal do we, as humans, give out when we are preparing to bathe a dog?  Do we emit some sort of dog bathing pheromone? 
Whatever it is, Butler caught a whiff and ran to the person who usually saves him from scary things like baths and gunshot sounds.  Me.
Within minutes, Rob arrives riding on the front of his ATV, which is being driven by my soon to be grandson, Jordan.  Rob is carefully holding, -what?  I can’t quite tell… a baby? Yes, it’s a baby.
 The “baby” is one of those computerized babies, designed to convince young people that they aren’t in any way ready to own one.  It cries at night and has a mouth that must be fed, and so forth.  Rob and Jordan have it dressed in a specially designed garbage bag raincoat.  Her name is Stephanie. 
Stephanie’s head is wet.  I dry it off, and then give her a “kootchie-koo” in the tummy.  Now Jordan must document the “kootchie-koo” because Stephanie records everything that touches her little vinyl body.  I am pretty sure that had Stephanie been a real baby she would have objected loudly at a ride on an ATV in the rain.
At any rate, there is nothing like a visit from a baby to brighten up a gloomy, rainy day.

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