Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Things Kids Say and Write

Today I was playing around with my “Book In a Box” as I call my box of things I saved from when I was teaching school.  I saved items that the kids wrote or said that amused me.  I am in the process of categorizing into Things they said, Things they did, and well just Things.

Here are some of the things they wrote.  I’m telling you right now, these kids were brilliant!  I taught them everything they knew.

    All trees in Washington came from seeds that came from airplanes.
    The governor of Texas has the right to paint his employees.
    When the war broke out, they turned the mission into a fart.
    Covered wagons were called prairie schooners because they were used to schoon the prairies.

    Three characteristics that define a society are TVs, Parties, and Fashion.  (The answer was supposed to be; organized religion, an established government, and a common language- but she was close!)

    Some people in Taiwan right now are ball-headed.

If you ever get the chance to see sharks reproduce, take it!

    Germany’s religion is similar to ours. They have a big building in the city.

Abe Lincoln got his face on our pannies.

    I picked Wyoming for my state because it is easy to draw.

    If a possum knows its going to lose, it just “aks”
 dead and most of the time it works!

Orca whales have pimples around their eyes, like my big brother.

    Mammals are worm blooded.

    The big blue whale has baleen wich is his other teeth.

Funny things they said:
    “My mom can play the tangerine really well.”

    “My health report is on Alcohol and Neurotics.”(Narcotics)
“Since I’m half Jewish, tonight we’re going to light the harmonica.”

“Mrs. Guinn, you sound just like a cowgirl.”  (And I had been trying SO hard to lose that Okie accent!)
    “Mrs. Guinn, from the back, you look just like a kid, but from the front you look regular.

    “Mrs. Guinn, I like you because you’re so normal.”
(Well, I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but normal has never been one of them!)

Every year, I asked them to write down what they had learned so far in their lives.  Here is some fine wisdom:

 Don’t cut my own hair.
Don’t start a sentence with “Because.” (Yay! I taught this one something!)

Don’t bother the baby.

Don’t eat dog food.
     Don’t keep money on your desk when you’re having a birthday party.
Don’t stand too close to the pool when a big dog is running around.
    Don’t sit in the driver’s seat when the car is running and especially don’t touch the shifter.

    When you are mad, don’t kick a window.

Never, NEVER ask your mom why she made this crap for dinner.
    I learned not to pitch to my Uncle Jay.
    Don’t put two wires together.
    Don’t hang from the tree house.
    Don’t call Mom, “Mrs. Guinn.”
 I learned not to swim with my big cousin.

    Don’t open your mouth when a baby is reaching for it.  They can reach in far and you will barf.

    You shouldn’t try to bounce a Christmas tree ball.
If you spin round and round in the living room things can go very wrong.
    Don’t jump on a shovel barefooted.

If you forget to put the grass holder on the lawn mower you have to mow again.
    Not to go into the bathroom if the door is shut, even if it is not locked.
    Don’t take that tone of voice with mom.
Use your nose and not your fingers when you need to see if the baby has a dirty diaper.
    If you take a bite of something hot, spit it out, because if you swallow it, it burns all the way down.

    Not all bugs are friendly.

    You shouldn’t say, “Yuck” when you are at someone else’s house for dinner.

    Don’t drink too much water before bedtime.

    Teasing your brother when Mom is in a bad mood is a very bad idea and can cause you to miss The Cosby Show.
    Never use Mom’s good jewelry on your jack-o-lantern.
    Drinking a Pepsi when you are playing on your dad’s new computer is dangerous.

Fish hooks don’t come out of your finger very easy.

    Don’t pretend you are going to steal your dog’s food when she’s eating.
    Don’t keep begging after Mom says, “NO!” with her teeth together.
    Never lean your chair back on the two back legs because you could break your neck.

    Never try to sneak some of your big sister’s Monopoly money when you think she isn’t looking.

And my personal favorite;
Don’t do things half fast.

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